All Good Things, All Good Things

1. Three loooooooooong long super long months later, I am a dozen donuts fuller and finished with my student teaching. I was beyond ready to be finished, and super relieved that the end had arrived... but still, it ended up being quite bittersweet. My kids were sweet and I got a lot of hugs (and a couple of handshakes), and some pretty epic cards. My name's CH and I like warm hugs.

2. WB turned 25 (!!) and we spent a weekend in the mountains. It was weird because the weather kind of went insane, and it snowed on his birthday, but it was still nice to get away with him. Some people are worth melting for.

3. I took both of my PRAXIS tests, and I passed them. Like, really, really, REALLY passed them. Silly worries.

4. I celebrated the one year anniversary of my hip surgery (it has been a year already?!) with a 6-mile run (followed by donuts). I'm training for a 10-miler on April 26, and debating signing up for a half marathon in mid-May that would fit in nicely with my preexisting training schedule for the 10 miler.

5. I also celebrated Free Cone Day, my favorite day of the year. It was infinitely better this year, physically-speaking, since I was not on crutches and didn't get ice cream on my hair. Unfortunately, they ran out of cones before I got into the store. WHAT?! How do you run out of cones on free cone day?! I know, I thought the same thing.

6. My master's portfolio is due next Friday. After that gets turned in, I have a couple more classes; then about 2 weeks off; graduation; and two first-session summer classes. The end is nigh! And, honestly, after student teaching and portfolio-ing, those last two summer classes? No sweat.

7. It is FINALLY spring/summer. Sprummer! Oh, so this is heat. I love it... ooh, but don't touch it.
I love spring, dislike summer. But honestly, anything is better than this XXL winter.




Can you tell I've recently seen Frozen once or twice or several times and that Olaf is my favorite? (Yeah, why?!)

...And Don't Come Back!

Today, September 25, 2013, I was officially released from physical therapy! Woooop woooop! {Phrase said in the camel's voice from the Geico Hump Day commercial}.

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People tend to think that when you get released from PT, you are totally, 100% well. Ahhh, alas. My pain is still frequent, uncomfortable, inconvenient, and at times frustrating and discouraging. However, today we focus on the positive news that is my progress. Let's say it again, woooop woooop!

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I've actually been in physical therapy for ONE YEAR. Yep, you read that right, peoples. I started therapy in the beginning of October 2012. Things eventually led to surgery, which resulted in more PT. Four people who worked at the clinic when I first started going have moved on to other jobs - that's how long I've been going ;)

I know I'm often down & out about my hip {I'm working on it, I promise!}, but it really is truly remarkable to think back on where I was one year ago at this time {in constant, awful, stabbing pain!}, and where I am now. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh {Kool-Aid man voice.}

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Medical Mystery

Like I mentioned yesterday, I went to see my doctor this morning about my stomach pain. After I finished telling her my story and she did a short exam, the conversation went like this:

Doc: Huh.
Me: {Laughs hesitantly}
Doc: Well, I don't know what's wrong, to be honest.
Me: Oh, great.

I'm a medical mystery.

After some more examination/thought-forming, she decided that it is probably a result of my hip. There is a ligament that connects the hip to the stomach, and she said that maybe it was strained, or somehow irritated with the exercises I was doing last week at therapy. The diagnosis is to continue taking Advil, and hopefully I stay ahead of the pain and it goes away.

We'll see. I hate my stupid hip.

If the pain continues, I likely won't be blogging for the near future. The pain is pretty miserable when it's around, and it makes me not want to - and not able to - do much. Hopefully I will be back up and running in no time and able to tell you more about summertime in the South.

Happy Friday!

12- Week Surgery Appointment

Last week I had my 12-week post-op appointment with my surgeon, and despite my hip pains, frustrations, and grumpy-hip-ness of the last several weeks, he says all is looking good!! This is a gigantic relief, because I have been concerned with my {seeming} lack of progress in therapy, as well as with the pain associated with the pulling-into-the-pool incident.

12-week hip {and new shorts!}

He said that the pre-pool achey pains I'd been having are normal, and wasn't overly concerned with the aftermath of the pool incident - my hip {and my emotions} have calmed down and gotten back to baseline in the past week or so, which is a good sign.

Doctor Man told me that I can start jogging within the next week or two {I'm leaving that decision up to my therapist}, on soft surfaces only - rubber tracks, trails, etc. Road running is not allowed for another 4-6 weeks. I asked him about the general pains - I've been so unclear as to whether my hip should be hurting, whether it will/should hurt when I'm running, etc. - and he said that aches are normal and running will likely be painful. Not shooting pain painful {that would be a real problem}, but it will likely be quite achey and sore, especially since I haven't properly used my leg in about 8 months. As long as I'm not hurting my hip by running, I plan to do so as long as my body tells me I can.

me, on the day i can run {source}

I've said it once, and I'll say it again now: it is impossible - repeat, impossible - for someone who has not been through this type of experience to even remotely comprehend the emotional, mental, and obviously physical side effects. I have not exercised like a normal C since October of 2012, and I started having pain in August - that's almost a full year of pain, non-use, and general malaise. If you tell someone who runs 4-5x per week and exercises almost everyday that they are not going to be able to do ANYTHING - not just running, but anything - not even walking or jumping in the pool {apparently} - for almost a year, it is not going to go over well. I have gone through a complete and drastic lifestyle change, and with that I've had to {try to} adjust my thinking. I would give anything in the world to be able to go for a 3 mile run {or even a 1 mile run, honestly} without having to think twice. This life is hard. My mental health has suffered. I know I'm making progress and I know eventually I will be back in the land of happy, carefree exercising {we hope}, but sometimes it is too much when people tell me they understand, that they know it sucks, that I'll get better and just have to give it time, and hey do I want to hear about their workout? I'm sorry, you don't really understand, and no, I don't care at all about your ____ exercise.

The day when I can run, on my own, on a road, without restrictions, and, most importantly of all, without pain, will be the best day. This year of my life {age year, not calendar year} has been one of the worst, most challenging, and depressing times - mostly hip related, though of course there are always other factors. My birthday is coming up in August and my dearest most earnest wish is that I can go for a run on my birthday. And if I can run pain-free, it will be the best birthday. And I will feel like this:

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Happy running. xx

A Happy Sidenote

Since I have been very down and out about my hip lately, I just wanted to share this tidbit with you: my hip has finally calmed down- not so angry after the pool incident; and, for the first time in a long time, I had a good day at physical therapy. I walked in happy, was happy while I was there, and left happy.


Little bits of happiness where you find them.

A Tough Day.

Today has been really tough. Really, really, emotionally and mentally draining. Long story short, someone pulled me into the swimming pool on Saturday afternoon, and I immediately felt my hip react. No popping or breaking or sounds or anything, but I felt immediate significant pain, and I knew it was not good news. My hip has hurt much more intensely in the three days since, and last night I tried to stand up from sitting on the couch with my surgery leg as my plant leg, and I had to sit right back down because my hip was in too much pain from trying to support the pressure. I saw my therapist today, and he was mildly concerned with how much pain it was giving me, and said - basically - that it is super duper inflamed.

I haven't had a hip-induced mental/emotional breakdown in a long time; I have been fairly good, I think, about trying to stay positive and be hopeful and excited for what's to come. Nobody's perfect, of course, and nobody can expect me to be happy-go-lucky all the time given what's gone on over the past year. However, next week is my 12-week appointment, which is the "magic date" when you are theoretically cleared to run, and after today it became evident that I am in no shape to be running - or, really, doing anything active except biking. We can't kick my ache, and now we're dealing with insane(ly painful, I might add) inflammation.

So, going back to my long story short, today has been really tough. I bought myself a pair of Carolina blue running shorts {purchasing an item of running gear here or there has helped my motivation over the last many many months} after my appointment to cheer myself up, but it didn't work as well as I hoped it would, since I spiraled into thoughts of what-if-I-never-get-to-use-them and what-if-I-can-never-play-soccer-and-run-again-the-way-I-want-to.

Luckily, my friend KB sent over this gif of a dancing Doctor {played by Matt Smith}.

And WB sent me this bear hug.

And introduced me to this page of dog gifs that I'm ashamed and surprised I hadn't found before.

So, LET'S GO {in David Tennant voice}. I have some really great & supportive & laugh-inducing-even-when-you're-frowning friends {and family}, and I am so very thankful for them.

Honesty

It is alarming how close my thoughts are to negativity these days. A 30-second conversation with a jerk-hole realtor ruined my entire day, which had been going well up to that point {camp was good, we saw Roy Williams walking his laps near the Dean Dome, what could be better?}. We lost out on the place we thought was going to be the one and the dude was rude about it, and then I felt myself spiraling into depression about my hip, my weight gain, my love life, how slow work is, how I really need to get a part-time job but it wouldn't be feasible due to my 2x/week physical therapy appointments...

For the past {how many? I've lost track} months all anyone can ever say is "stay positive" and "you'll be up and running in no time!" But no one truly understands. It is literally impossible to imagine this situation if you have not been in this situation. And I'm doing it all alone - I don't have my parents here or a significant other to talk to. I have me. I seem to have stalled in progress in therapy, we're having to seriously work at beating back inflammation, I have constant pain when I walk - anywhere - even to the bathroom - and I haven't felt like I've improved in two weeks. My elastic waist shorts no longer feel comfortable most of the time because I have gained weight from the last 9 months of inactivity, and I'm not able to participate in the two things on Earth that make me the happiest - running & soccer. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and can't physically do much about it.

People will say: look at the positives! Look how far you have come! You can walk! You have to find things to be happy about now, or you will always be unhappy even when your hip is better or your situation is different!

But today, honestly, I do not see the positives. I do not see the progress. I do not see the bright future or the happy ending or the light at the end of the tunnel. I see a bum hip, an unhappy girl, and not much else.

How Do You Survive Hip Surgery Rehab?

I know you've all been wondering. And, lucky for you, I just so happen to now be an expert on this subject. There are four keys to a successful recovery:

#1. Mom. If you are having hip surgery, or any surgery, or really if anything ever goes wrong, call your mom. My surgery and first week of recovery would have been 100x harder and more miserable if I didn't have my mama there to take such wonderful care of me, despite my complaining, frustration, yelling, and grumpiness. Moms are the best. And mine is the most best.

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#2. Have sweetest of sweet friends that bring/send you gift baskets, flowers (lots of flowers), and wine (lots of wine). It was also Easter. I had three flower arrangements, one teddy bear, one box of chocolates, four bottles of wine, one Edible Arrangements with chocolate-covered fruit, one collection of Tastefully Simple to-bake goodies, and these:

#3. Going back to having an awesome mom, have an awesome mom that buys the first two seasons of Downton Abbey on DVD and uses her boss's Amazon Prime account so they will arrive soon enough for her to bring them with her.

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I am now OBSESSED (and I mean obsessed) with this show. It. Is. Awesome. (Boy, I really need to work on finding a synonym for awesome.) We watched 4 or 5 episodes at a time (yes), and were only two episodes short of finishing the second season before my mom went back to Maryland. I've since watched the third season. Season 4 starts in the US next January.

#4. Ask your friends and family for book suggestions, follow them, buy $50 worth of merchandise from Barnes & Noble, borrow a few books from your local library, and buy a few books for your Kindle for PC.

 

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In no particular order, I read all of the following books:
A Visit From the Goon Squad - Jennifer Egan
My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor
Liar and Spy - Rebecca Stead
Wonder - R.J. Palacio
Divergent - Veronica Roth
Insurgent - Veronica Roth
It's Kind of a Funny Story - Ned Vizzini
When You Reach Me - Rebecca Stead
The Sense of an Ending - Julian Barnes

I still have several on my list, including Gone Girl, Wild, and Ender's Game. Both Wild and Ender's Game I bought for Kindle for PC, so I will be able to start work on those once I finish with my current read, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

I enjoyed every book I read, though some more than others. My one big fail was The Pillars of the Earth, which I was told is a fantastic and very engaging read. The subject matter is even something that interests me. I struggled through the first 200+ pages before finally deciding to give it up as a lost cause {the book is close to 1000 pages}.

So, there you have it. If you ever have hip surgery, you now know what to do. You are in good hands.

6 Weeks Post-Op Appointment

Today is an exciting day! For one, it's Wednesday, which means it's almost Friday, which is always a reason to celebrate. But, today was also my 6-week post-operation appointment with my surgeon. And the verdict is...

My hip is doing great!

It's been hard to keep things in perspective with the general emotional downturn that arrived with surgery, and most days I don't feel like I'm making any progress at all (though I obviously am since I'm walking on my own two feet now!). So, it was really wonderful news to hear that I am exactly where he thinks I should be, and that everything looks and feels fine. He told me that the bike is my best friend - and I plan on ramping up my at-home exercises (which currently consists of... nothing. Guilty.) to make sure that I am biking for at least 15 minutes everyday. I have also been cleared to swim and to use the elliptical (which is my least favorite exercise machine, but whatever).

my 6-week hip

I have a final appointment in another 6 weeks, and he said until then I should be focusing on getting my strength back in my legs, hip, and core. It will be a long six weeks of therapy, but I'm so pleased that everything is working the way it should be.

Today I also had to get a TB test read that I had done on Monday. To fill out the application for my student teaching placement, we have to have a mini-exam and a TB test to ensure we are fit to care for children. Good news is I am also tuberculosis-free!

And there you have it. A happy health Wednesday. Now I'm off to my little girls' last practice of the season, thunderstorms allowing. See ya tomorrow!

One Month

Today officially marks four weeks post-surgery! To be honest, I had hoped that I would be much farther along by now. I think it is a combination of the things that my surgeon originally told me along with my total frustration from being sidelined so long when I am an extremely active person. I haven't exercised hard/MY way since October, and before that I haven't exercised without pain since August. So, by this point, I'm pretty frustrated and can also see the weight I'm gaining, which isn't something I'm overly worried about, but it's never fun (and summer is coming...).

I have tried my hardest to remain positive and optimistic over the past four weeks, but it's been very difficult. I'd thought the first several days post-op would be the hardest, but my mom was around and we expected me to feel bad - I'd just had surgery, after all. By now, though, I'm going stir-crazy and I can't do any of the things that make me the happiest, and I generally feel pretty lonely & isolated because of all of this. My goal for the next four weeks is going to be to stay as positive as possible, which hopefully should get easier as we move forward and I {finally, one day} transition completely off the crutches. We'll see.

*Edit: as my mom pointed out, it's important to try to remember how far I've come. It doesn't seem like much from my perspective, but when my mom left after the first week, I was still on two crutches, couldn't do anything for myself, and was only just recovering from several days' worth of nausea. I felt pretty terrible and was generally quite miserable. Despite my frustrations, I still am improving everyday.

Physical Therapy ... and Puppies

So what does physical therapy look like when you are two weeks post-surgery and still on crutches? Not much. Right now my therapy sessions look like this:

Heat

Manual therapy - hip rotations and movements

Small ab holds/ab engaging exercises (small press ups/hip flexor stretching, angry cat stretch, quad sets, glute sets)

15-20 minutes of non-resistance biking

Ten minutes of icing

So, in short, it's really exciting. But when you can't put full pressure on your foot, it's pretty difficult to do exercises. Once I'm off crutches (next week, we are hoping), things should get more exciting, and hopefully we'll be making more progress.

It's hard to be going so slowly and feel like nothing's improving, but both my surgeon and therapist have emphasized how important it is to take it slowly and not strain or push through pain. Doing recovery correctly the first time is easier/better than developing soreness/ additional pain/ stress reactions. Patient recuperation is so hard for athletes, but considering I haven't exercised without pain since last August, I think I am going to survive. I'm just waiting for my emotions to catch up with this mental acceptance of the situation.

I tried to do a search for some of the manual hip exercises my therapist has been doing with me, but I don't think they really have names so I couldn't find anything. However, Google did return this incredibly relevant photograph. So here you have it:

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Goodbye, Sutures!

This morning I had my two-week surgery follow-up appointment, where I spoke with my surgeon about my recovery and also got my sutures taken out. This is very exciting, for several reasons:

1. My incisions look good! Always a relief.

2. I can start transitioning in the next few days to walking with only one crutch. The best part about that is that I will be able to actually carry things once in a while, and maybe even go grocery shopping without needing an assistant (but let's not get crazy).
Additionally, with one crutch, I will be in less danger of falling down the stairs or tripping over the dog. Both big pluses in my book.

3. Most exciting: I can finally shower without saran-wrapping my leg (the sutures couldn't get wet). Until you actually have to do this, you have no idea how annoying this is. And I can finally work on scrubbing off the rest of the orange stuff that has covered my leg for the past two weeks.


Want to see some mildly gross pictures of the inside of my hip? This is my surgeon repairing the tears in my labrum. I think the Carolina blue stitches add a nice touch (I'm sure the surgeon really planned that out). Carolina girl inside and out!!

My surgeon reiterated that my hip looked pretty terrible inside, and much worse than it should look for a person my age. There were all sorts of abnormal growth, spurs, and soft cartilage (where it should be hard like a wall). Luckily he fixed it all up and made everything smooth and groovy. I should never have any problems with this hip again. Hooray! He said about 50% of his patients end up coming back to see him about their other hip, but it's not something that we need to worry about until (if!) it starts hurting me. 

One happy note: he said my running prognosis is good. I may not be able to run a full marathon (I didn't want to push my luck this morning to ask), but should be able to get back to more intensive running. I'm planning on asking my therapist tomorrow what his thoughts are. This makes me the happiest of all.

As a hump day treat, here is a picture of a panda dog, via Cute Emergency (@CuteEmergency):

Weekend With Crutches: A Snapshot

When you have crutches, things are hard. You can't carry things or really do anything for yourself. I am a largely independent person, so you can imagine how difficult this is for me - it is especially hard for me to ask for help. I have, however, mastered moving my right crutch with my armpit (which I am sure is quite bad for me, because I've been told that a lot of important veins and things go through the armpit, which is why you're not supposed to lean on crutches with your armpits. But I digress.) so that I can carry a plate or cup or something with my right hand. It is very impressive, thank you.

I get tired very easily from crutching around (it's exhausting!) so this first functional weekend post-surgery has not been anything to write home about. Much of my group of close friends still live in Chapel Hill, for graduate school and job reasons, and several people came to my apartment Friday night to watch a movie with me so that I didn't have to move. It was very kind. As a side note, we watched Zero Dark Thirty, which is immensely suspenseful and thrilling (even though you know how it ends), and very well made, and everyone should see it. Also I've never seen Jessica Chastain in really anything except The Help where she played a hoity toity southern lady, so this role as CIA agent who's dedicated 10+ years of her life to finding UBL is just about as different as it gets.

A fierce and sassy Jessica. {source}

Saturday I stayed in my pajamas most of the day (lack of motivation due to previously-mentioned 7am hammering), went on an excursion to Old Navy and Target, and went to Chapel Hill to watch the Final Four basketball games. I moved around so much! And nobody at Target offered to get me one of those automated wheelchair thingies so I had to crutch my way around to the umbrellas and coloring books. I was so exhausted! The good news is that driving becomes less uncomfortable each time I do it (sitting upright in that position really irritates/hurts my hip), which means I am getting better every day. Getting into the car is challenging but now I can do it fairly easily. Hooray! It's the little things.

This morning I went to church, and the good southern congregation was appreciatively impressed that I was at church on crutches. I got a lot of "God bless you"'s from strangers, so I feel sufficiently blessed & prepared for the week. Hallelujah. This afternoon will be spent tidying my four vases of flowers, two buckets of candy, and five bottles of wine that I've accumulated during my convalescence (thank you, friends). And I can finally watch the new episode of Doctor Who that aired last night. Praise.

Matt Smith (Doctor) and Jenna-Louise Coleman (Clara) on a motorbike.
Love. {source}  

Happy Sunday, y'all! It looks like spring is finally here!

This is the super-nifty ice machine I've been attached to more or less all the time for the past week. It has two straps that can go around whatever limb you need, so you can walk around in it and keep it on all the time (dreams do come true!). I even slept in it a few nights. And, it's all mine - the baby we brought home from the hospital. I own it now. I wonder how much I paid for it? I guess I'll find out once I get billed post-insurance....

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A Surgical Story - Reader's Digest Version

Funny story: I typed up an entire [long] entry on my surgery and when I tried to paste a URL I wound up deleting, then saving, my work, so that I saved a blank page and all of my previous work was deleted. I told you I could be technology-challenged. After that "D'OH" moment, I took a lunch break to regroup and eat Chipotle. I think I'm ready to try again. Here's hoping I don't delete this, too...

I have been an athlete and soccer player my whole life, but never liked running - because, let's face it, running is boring. Despite this, I decided my 2012 New Year's Resolution would be to run a half marathon, so in January I started training for the Raleigh Rocks Half Marathon in April. After I did the first long training run, I was hooked. (I had been warned, but did not listen.) After my race I still maintained my long run schedule, waking up at 6:30 every Saturday to spend some time with my mind and my music. I then signed up for the Parks Half Marathon that September. Late August, I started to experience mild hip pain while doing my long runs, which progressed to pain during all runs, which progressed to pain while walking. I ran the race anyway, and actually improved my previous time by 14 minutes and finished in 2 hours. My hip starting hurting at mile 2, and I decided that since it was going to hurt anyway, I might as well pick up the pace.

Raleigh Rocks Half Marathon, April 2012

 After the race I took it easy for a while, but every time I tried to run the pain returned. In October, I finally went to the doctor, and she thought I might have a labral tear or some kind of sprain in my hip. She advised taking more time off of running and doing physical therapy to heal that area. I did two months of therapy and actually managed to work running back into my exercise routine, in segments of about 20 minutes with no pain. Unfortunately, it didn't last and the pain returned.

I went back to the doctor and had an MRI done, which I was told showed that the labrum (cartilage surrounding the hip) looked intact, so then I had a cortisone injection in hopes that that would relieve the pain. (Cortisone injections use really big needles, by the way). No luck on that front, and the doctor finally decided it was time to send me over to the hip surgeon.

Finishing Parks Half Marathon, September 2012

A long story and another four weeks of physical therapy later, I was in the operating room at the hospital for arthroscopic hip surgery. Arthroscopic surgery means that instead of opening up my whole hip, the surgeon made a couple of small incisions through which he threaded the camera and tools to make the pairs. I had at least four tears repaired, and he filed back the bone that had grown abnormally, causing the tear in the first place [along with a bunch of other medical terminology related to impingement and cartilage that I still don't understand. I think there was something about FAI?]

Turns out it was a blessing in disguise (and I'm talking really really good disguise. Like, spy-worthy), because he found that my hip was much much worse than he would expect for a person my age. In fact, if I hadn't had the surgery, I would have had to have a hip replacement by the age of thirty. Yep, you read that right, hip replacement by 30. Luckily (?), now I should never need a replacement, at least on my left side.

My surgeon gave me a bunch of pictures of the inside of my hip/views of the bones that were taken during surgery. This one is much more pleasant. {source}

Since the incisions are smaller, recovery gets to - supposedly - be a little bit easier. The first several days were pretty unhappy, but I am now improving everyday, even though life on crutches/with pain remains quite challenging. I'll be on crutches for a total of about 2 weeks, and should be running within 3 months. Before we knew I needed surgery, my 2013 goal was to run a marathon; unfortunately, this may be out of the cards for me now, because of the extent of the damage (though I will find out for sure at my follow-up), but I'm hoping to negotiate being able to run more halves (halfs? That situation is awkward.) in the future.