...And Don't Come Back!

Today, September 25, 2013, I was officially released from physical therapy! Woooop woooop! {Phrase said in the camel's voice from the Geico Hump Day commercial}.

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People tend to think that when you get released from PT, you are totally, 100% well. Ahhh, alas. My pain is still frequent, uncomfortable, inconvenient, and at times frustrating and discouraging. However, today we focus on the positive news that is my progress. Let's say it again, woooop woooop!

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I've actually been in physical therapy for ONE YEAR. Yep, you read that right, peoples. I started therapy in the beginning of October 2012. Things eventually led to surgery, which resulted in more PT. Four people who worked at the clinic when I first started going have moved on to other jobs - that's how long I've been going ;)

I know I'm often down & out about my hip {I'm working on it, I promise!}, but it really is truly remarkable to think back on where I was one year ago at this time {in constant, awful, stabbing pain!}, and where I am now. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh {Kool-Aid man voice.}

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12- Week Surgery Appointment

Last week I had my 12-week post-op appointment with my surgeon, and despite my hip pains, frustrations, and grumpy-hip-ness of the last several weeks, he says all is looking good!! This is a gigantic relief, because I have been concerned with my {seeming} lack of progress in therapy, as well as with the pain associated with the pulling-into-the-pool incident.

12-week hip {and new shorts!}

He said that the pre-pool achey pains I'd been having are normal, and wasn't overly concerned with the aftermath of the pool incident - my hip {and my emotions} have calmed down and gotten back to baseline in the past week or so, which is a good sign.

Doctor Man told me that I can start jogging within the next week or two {I'm leaving that decision up to my therapist}, on soft surfaces only - rubber tracks, trails, etc. Road running is not allowed for another 4-6 weeks. I asked him about the general pains - I've been so unclear as to whether my hip should be hurting, whether it will/should hurt when I'm running, etc. - and he said that aches are normal and running will likely be painful. Not shooting pain painful {that would be a real problem}, but it will likely be quite achey and sore, especially since I haven't properly used my leg in about 8 months. As long as I'm not hurting my hip by running, I plan to do so as long as my body tells me I can.

me, on the day i can run {source}

I've said it once, and I'll say it again now: it is impossible - repeat, impossible - for someone who has not been through this type of experience to even remotely comprehend the emotional, mental, and obviously physical side effects. I have not exercised like a normal C since October of 2012, and I started having pain in August - that's almost a full year of pain, non-use, and general malaise. If you tell someone who runs 4-5x per week and exercises almost everyday that they are not going to be able to do ANYTHING - not just running, but anything - not even walking or jumping in the pool {apparently} - for almost a year, it is not going to go over well. I have gone through a complete and drastic lifestyle change, and with that I've had to {try to} adjust my thinking. I would give anything in the world to be able to go for a 3 mile run {or even a 1 mile run, honestly} without having to think twice. This life is hard. My mental health has suffered. I know I'm making progress and I know eventually I will be back in the land of happy, carefree exercising {we hope}, but sometimes it is too much when people tell me they understand, that they know it sucks, that I'll get better and just have to give it time, and hey do I want to hear about their workout? I'm sorry, you don't really understand, and no, I don't care at all about your ____ exercise.

The day when I can run, on my own, on a road, without restrictions, and, most importantly of all, without pain, will be the best day. This year of my life {age year, not calendar year} has been one of the worst, most challenging, and depressing times - mostly hip related, though of course there are always other factors. My birthday is coming up in August and my dearest most earnest wish is that I can go for a run on my birthday. And if I can run pain-free, it will be the best birthday. And I will feel like this:

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Happy running. xx

A Happy Sidenote

Since I have been very down and out about my hip lately, I just wanted to share this tidbit with you: my hip has finally calmed down- not so angry after the pool incident; and, for the first time in a long time, I had a good day at physical therapy. I walked in happy, was happy while I was there, and left happy.


Little bits of happiness where you find them.

A Tough Day.

Today has been really tough. Really, really, emotionally and mentally draining. Long story short, someone pulled me into the swimming pool on Saturday afternoon, and I immediately felt my hip react. No popping or breaking or sounds or anything, but I felt immediate significant pain, and I knew it was not good news. My hip has hurt much more intensely in the three days since, and last night I tried to stand up from sitting on the couch with my surgery leg as my plant leg, and I had to sit right back down because my hip was in too much pain from trying to support the pressure. I saw my therapist today, and he was mildly concerned with how much pain it was giving me, and said - basically - that it is super duper inflamed.

I haven't had a hip-induced mental/emotional breakdown in a long time; I have been fairly good, I think, about trying to stay positive and be hopeful and excited for what's to come. Nobody's perfect, of course, and nobody can expect me to be happy-go-lucky all the time given what's gone on over the past year. However, next week is my 12-week appointment, which is the "magic date" when you are theoretically cleared to run, and after today it became evident that I am in no shape to be running - or, really, doing anything active except biking. We can't kick my ache, and now we're dealing with insane(ly painful, I might add) inflammation.

So, going back to my long story short, today has been really tough. I bought myself a pair of Carolina blue running shorts {purchasing an item of running gear here or there has helped my motivation over the last many many months} after my appointment to cheer myself up, but it didn't work as well as I hoped it would, since I spiraled into thoughts of what-if-I-never-get-to-use-them and what-if-I-can-never-play-soccer-and-run-again-the-way-I-want-to.

Luckily, my friend KB sent over this gif of a dancing Doctor {played by Matt Smith}.

And WB sent me this bear hug.

And introduced me to this page of dog gifs that I'm ashamed and surprised I hadn't found before.

So, LET'S GO {in David Tennant voice}. I have some really great & supportive & laugh-inducing-even-when-you're-frowning friends {and family}, and I am so very thankful for them.

Honesty

It is alarming how close my thoughts are to negativity these days. A 30-second conversation with a jerk-hole realtor ruined my entire day, which had been going well up to that point {camp was good, we saw Roy Williams walking his laps near the Dean Dome, what could be better?}. We lost out on the place we thought was going to be the one and the dude was rude about it, and then I felt myself spiraling into depression about my hip, my weight gain, my love life, how slow work is, how I really need to get a part-time job but it wouldn't be feasible due to my 2x/week physical therapy appointments...

For the past {how many? I've lost track} months all anyone can ever say is "stay positive" and "you'll be up and running in no time!" But no one truly understands. It is literally impossible to imagine this situation if you have not been in this situation. And I'm doing it all alone - I don't have my parents here or a significant other to talk to. I have me. I seem to have stalled in progress in therapy, we're having to seriously work at beating back inflammation, I have constant pain when I walk - anywhere - even to the bathroom - and I haven't felt like I've improved in two weeks. My elastic waist shorts no longer feel comfortable most of the time because I have gained weight from the last 9 months of inactivity, and I'm not able to participate in the two things on Earth that make me the happiest - running & soccer. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and can't physically do much about it.

People will say: look at the positives! Look how far you have come! You can walk! You have to find things to be happy about now, or you will always be unhappy even when your hip is better or your situation is different!

But today, honestly, I do not see the positives. I do not see the progress. I do not see the bright future or the happy ending or the light at the end of the tunnel. I see a bum hip, an unhappy girl, and not much else.

How Do You Survive Hip Surgery Rehab?

I know you've all been wondering. And, lucky for you, I just so happen to now be an expert on this subject. There are four keys to a successful recovery:

#1. Mom. If you are having hip surgery, or any surgery, or really if anything ever goes wrong, call your mom. My surgery and first week of recovery would have been 100x harder and more miserable if I didn't have my mama there to take such wonderful care of me, despite my complaining, frustration, yelling, and grumpiness. Moms are the best. And mine is the most best.

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#2. Have sweetest of sweet friends that bring/send you gift baskets, flowers (lots of flowers), and wine (lots of wine). It was also Easter. I had three flower arrangements, one teddy bear, one box of chocolates, four bottles of wine, one Edible Arrangements with chocolate-covered fruit, one collection of Tastefully Simple to-bake goodies, and these:

#3. Going back to having an awesome mom, have an awesome mom that buys the first two seasons of Downton Abbey on DVD and uses her boss's Amazon Prime account so they will arrive soon enough for her to bring them with her.

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I am now OBSESSED (and I mean obsessed) with this show. It. Is. Awesome. (Boy, I really need to work on finding a synonym for awesome.) We watched 4 or 5 episodes at a time (yes), and were only two episodes short of finishing the second season before my mom went back to Maryland. I've since watched the third season. Season 4 starts in the US next January.

#4. Ask your friends and family for book suggestions, follow them, buy $50 worth of merchandise from Barnes & Noble, borrow a few books from your local library, and buy a few books for your Kindle for PC.

 

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In no particular order, I read all of the following books:
A Visit From the Goon Squad - Jennifer Egan
My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor
Liar and Spy - Rebecca Stead
Wonder - R.J. Palacio
Divergent - Veronica Roth
Insurgent - Veronica Roth
It's Kind of a Funny Story - Ned Vizzini
When You Reach Me - Rebecca Stead
The Sense of an Ending - Julian Barnes

I still have several on my list, including Gone Girl, Wild, and Ender's Game. Both Wild and Ender's Game I bought for Kindle for PC, so I will be able to start work on those once I finish with my current read, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

I enjoyed every book I read, though some more than others. My one big fail was The Pillars of the Earth, which I was told is a fantastic and very engaging read. The subject matter is even something that interests me. I struggled through the first 200+ pages before finally deciding to give it up as a lost cause {the book is close to 1000 pages}.

So, there you have it. If you ever have hip surgery, you now know what to do. You are in good hands.