Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Grad School Barbie

I stumbled across this post in my perusal of the internet this afternoon after I got home from school {I was in charge today while my CT was out for a planning event. Hot dang.}. It made me laugh out loud. Almost halfway there! My personal beacon is 8pm on November 13. After that, I think I will be able to make it through.



                                         

A new gift idea for your loved ones: Graduate School Barbie (TM).
 
Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master’s Barbie (TM) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (TM).

Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first). She also has adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes.

Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5-year-old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching “I hate my life” T-shirt. Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, “Yes, Professor, It’ll be done by tomorrow”, “I’d love to rewrite” and “Why didn’t I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor’s. But noooooo, I chose to further my education, I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I’d have an excuse to stop working on my degree that’s sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul…” (9V lithium batteries sold separately)

Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie’s head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add a little water, and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:
Grad School Barbie’s Fun Fridge (TM) Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!),and a small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum ™.

Grad School Barbie’s Medicine Cabinet comes in Fabulous (pepto-bismal) pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).

Grad School Barbie’s Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (in pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation with (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price. Tech support sold separately).

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you’ll get two of Barbie’s great friends! GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN, Barbie’s mentor and advisor in her quest for knowledge, higher education and decreased self-esteem.

Grad Advisor Ken ™ comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as “I need an update on your progress,” “I don’t think you’re ready to defend yet”, and “This is nowhere near ready for publication.”
Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie’s Thesis Committee! (Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)

REAL JOB SKIPPER, When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper ™, who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, “Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree” and “Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!” Real Job Skipper’s Work Wardrobe and Savings account sold separately.

WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie’s hands mysteriously fused to Skipper’s throat.
Author: Unknown

Post found from here.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Something to Consider

"In my experience, you'll never feel qualified. But God doesn't call the qualified; God qualifies the called."

Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker






Have a great weekend.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Grad School Problems, ep. 4

Today at 5pm marked the start of Fall Break. Yay! By a happy coincidence and smart scheduling, I actually began my break when I walked out of my Monday night class at 8pm.

It hasn't been much of a break so far, just time without class devoted to doing schoolwork. But our Asheville trip is on Friday, which I'm really excited about.

Tonight, I stopped on campus to print out a whole bunch of papers and readings while I was on my way to play some soccer and was in the area (we get a bunch of printing money each semester). The first two printers I tried weren't working - they couldn't connect to the network for some reason? I then walked all the way across campus to go to the two libraries and the student union... And all three were closed. Keep in mind this was at 6:15 pm when fall break "officially began" at 5pm. What about those poor students (ahem, grad students) who have to stay in town and work during fall break? Where are they supposed to work?! WHERE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO PRINT?!

I take huge issue with this, UNC. This seems like a terrible system. You are not a commuter campus!


Monday, October 14, 2013

We the People....

And so our people spelled it out, the things that we should beeeee... And they put those things down on paper and called it the Constitution.





The kids in my civics classes have a quiz on the Constitution on Friday, and for part of that quiz they each have to individually recite the Preamble in front of the whole class. Ms. T played this video in one of them so they could hear it. Every time I hear a Schoolhouse Rock video, the song is subsequently stuck in my head for DAYS upon end. As expected, I shall be singing this song for the next week or so.

I had forgotten the order of the phrases in the Preamble, so now I remember them again. The funny thing about teaching is that when you teach something, you know it so much better than you did when you learned it. And that, I've concluded, is why teachers know everything.

---

We the People, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Them's powerful words.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Night Terrors

On Thursday night, I had a nightmare (read: nightmare) that I was teaching my civics class
and I was simply horrible and having a terrible time. I woke up to discover that it wasn't real, but unfortunately it is not altogether impossible.

This evening, I was laying in my bed, waiting for sleep, when I heard a little "flop" sound that I have always associated with stink bugs landing on a nearby surface. Stink bugs are one of my nemeses, so I know this sound well. Anyway, they haven't seemed to have fully migrated to the south yet, so this sound is also familiar to me for another reason: it's the sound of roaches, falling from invisible heights. I turned on my bedside light and out of the dimness I saw a blurred shape running across my comforter (I was in my bed. In my comforter. Also please keep in mind we've already had one visit from the exterminator. And our house is very clean). I jumped out of bed like I'd been burned, muttered a few choice colorful words, grabbed a shoe, swiped the creature off my bed and killed him on my bedroom floor. I then stood in the middle of my room, every light turned on, surveying the room to see where his friends could possibly be hiding. Having had no luck, I am now back in bed, but my lights are still on, and I have the crawlies. It seems I sleep in terror tonight, my friends.

Friday, October 11, 2013

"Is that like AP classes?"

...NO SIR, IT MOST DEFINITELY IS NOT.

The horrifyingly accurate portrayal of the IB program. Oh, high school. How I (DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT) miss you.

This is a must-read, all you IBers, you.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/27-sure-signs-you-were-in-the-ib-program

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Revelations, Realizations

1. Graduate school is hard. Like, really, really, overwhelmingly, one-step-from-the-edge hard. This is for several reasons:
  • We have so much work. I can't even begin to describe it to people who aren't me and my 6 social studies MAT classmates. Basically, every time you feel you get one step ahead, you go to class and discover you're actually four steps behind.
  • I have no idea what I'm doing.
  • I still don't know whether teaching is what I want to do, and whether I will/would even be a good teacher.
  • I hate being bad at things, or feeling like I'm bad at things. And since I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm not good at it. And it's frustrating/annoying/overwhelming/stressful/hard to keep things in perspective/etc. etc.
  • Teaching is hard. Shame on you if you've ever thought otherwise.
  • I feel like I haven't talked to my non-school friends or family in weeks and I rarely ever get to hang with WB (or anyone else! Sorry roomie.) without having to do work. What I'm saying is I have less than zero free time, and I'm losing touch with the people and things I find most important.
2.  Fall is the best season. #sofall

3. Having friends in your graduate program is the best thing ever. Coincidentally, they're also some of the best friends ever. Funny how that works.

4. Fake it til you make it. Or something.

5. I'm incredibly grateful I chose a program that is only 1 year, because I wouldn't be able to do any more than that.

6. As much as I love winter, I have never before in my life been so excited for winter break.

7. I'm taking a mini-vacation with WB next weekend for Fall Break, and it is going to be the best weekend ever. Even if it rains, or it's cold, or we don't enjoy the things we choose to do, or don't have fun (none of these are possible), I won't be bringing ANY schoolwork, and that in itself will make it the best weekend ever. Plus, I really love WB. So that's a bonus.

8. Everything will get done, some way, some how.

9. Lots of people love me, support me, and think I'm going to be an awesome teacher. I don't always believe them - it depends on the day - but I sure am grateful that they think that.

10. Malala is amazing, inspiring, and everything I want to convey in my teaching career: